faith.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" 
Hebrews 11:1

When I first became a Christian, this was one of the first verses I memorized. I thought this kind of faith would come easy, that my life would be easy because I would always have a steadfast faith that gave me peace in knowing God was in control.

Something that has always drawn me into and kept me working in children's ministry is how simple their faith is. Childlike faith amazes me, and kids just get it. I've worked with a lot of kids who have been through more brokenness at 8 years old than I have at 24 and the peace they find in knowing God is in control continually blows my mind. Why can't I find that peace? Why is it so hard for me to grasp simple truths and let them resonate into the deepest parts of my heart?

I wish I had that faith.

I wish I could jump from adventure to adventure, going with every curve life puts in my way without anxiety or fear because that kind of faith is one that creates a trust in the goodness of life's ups and downs. I have learned a lot in the last two years, and learned things in hard life lesson type of ways, that I am not in control, that life is going to go in a way that I wouldn't expect but that it would always have really beautiful aspects and life changing experiences. I feel like God is over and over again trying to teach me to have this kind of faith, to be okay and believe that it is all going to work together for my good, yet I still fall short over and over again of really believing this at the core of who I am.

My best friend has a kind of faith that I envy. For those of you who know her, you may not know this about her, but she trusts God in a way that I admire. Of course life always throws us unexpected things that cause nervousness and anxiety but at the heart of who she is, she has that steadfast trust that it will all be okay because God's hand in it is bigger than her worries or fears. In the same way that Children have taught me about childlike faith, She has shown me what it is to have this kind of faith as an adult, and encouraged me over and over to pursue after it and accept whatever step my life takes next.

I will get there. I am determined to get there. I may need a couple more hard life lessons, but I will get to a place with God where I can sit back, let it roll off my shoulder and know that it is all part of something bigger and it may take years for me to see that, but I will get there.