The part I love most about working with children is how simple everything is for them. Things are black and white, right or wrong and when it comes to faith and understanding who God is, they just get it. Life and baggage has yet to get in the way to make things confusing and complicated. They understand the beauty of life and they know how to find joy in the simplest ways.
My heart misses being at Redwood for so many reasons and spending a summer observing childlike faith first hand, over and over in the most incredible ways, is what makes my heart ache for a summer under the redwoods the most. I desire this kind of faith and simplicity. The kind where those simple truths are all that matter and the rest of life just falls around the steadfastness of them.
Today at church the sermon was about human's desire for love and acceptance. It was about how that true love and acceptance comes from knowing God and being His BELOVED. The truth of that is so simple and I have heard it preached on so many times, but there was something about today and where my heart is, that it finally just clicked. At this point in my life, my need and desire for love and acceptance can only be fulfilled by Him and when I can learn to align my dreams with the kingdom of God it is then that I can achieve a fulfilling life.
how simple is that? how easy of a place is that to be? there is no mess, no complication, no need for analyzing. There is so much beauty in this truth and so much power and so much freedom. There have been so many times in my life where I have sought for love and acceptance in other ways, in ways that have damaged my simple view of God's love, but today I was brought back to the heart of what it means to be a beloved child of Christ.
"The Lord your God is with you, He is might to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing"
Zephaniah 3:17
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
my sisters wedding
Sunday, May 27, 2012
big moments
Last week my little sister graduate college, this week my older sister gets married and in two weeks I am moving to Pasadena to start a new chapter of life. These are all big moments, the kind of moments where your life starts heading in a completely new direction, the kind of moments where you can see a distinct difference between who you were before this moment and who you became after.
Between the big moments are tons of little moments that change who you are, and change you in ways that get you to the big ones. In the last two years I have experienced a lot of these moments, some of them really beautiful, some of them really painful and some that I didn't even realize how important they were when they were happening. These moments are the ones that explain who you are, they are the moments that you have to relive as you let people in so that they can know you. As I think about my next chapter and meeting new people, I find myself being overwhelmed with having to relive these moments. A lot of the things are still fresh and I've spent time closing myself off so that they don't need to be relived. Although I know that this is part of life and to be in community and relationships you have to explain how you got to the moment you are in, but sometimes I wish I could just start over in a new place without having to go back into my past.
My sisters and I are all experiencing big moments, big life changes, but there is no explanation needed. We already know how each of us got to where we are, we already know how we became the people that we are. Tonight, I am grateful for that, grateful that I have people in my life who already know, who have been there, and who have loved me in all those moments.
To be loved and known that deeply and genuinely is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Between the big moments are tons of little moments that change who you are, and change you in ways that get you to the big ones. In the last two years I have experienced a lot of these moments, some of them really beautiful, some of them really painful and some that I didn't even realize how important they were when they were happening. These moments are the ones that explain who you are, they are the moments that you have to relive as you let people in so that they can know you. As I think about my next chapter and meeting new people, I find myself being overwhelmed with having to relive these moments. A lot of the things are still fresh and I've spent time closing myself off so that they don't need to be relived. Although I know that this is part of life and to be in community and relationships you have to explain how you got to the moment you are in, but sometimes I wish I could just start over in a new place without having to go back into my past.
My sisters and I are all experiencing big moments, big life changes, but there is no explanation needed. We already know how each of us got to where we are, we already know how we became the people that we are. Tonight, I am grateful for that, grateful that I have people in my life who already know, who have been there, and who have loved me in all those moments.
To be loved and known that deeply and genuinely is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
womens staff
This time last year I was putting together welcome bags for the twelve female counselors that would be under my leadership at Redwood camp for summer of 2011 and I was full to the brim with a jumble of excitement and nerves. I knew that the job I was about to embark on was going to stretch and challenge me but I had no clue that I would be sitting here a year later so overwhelmed with how much these girls changed who I was and the way I view life.
When summer started there was an intense separation between male and females, pretty much like a junior high dance. There wasn't much interaction between the male and female counselors and when there was it was always that awkward and obvious change in the way things were going type of interaction. There were some of us on program staff who were concerned about this and strategized ways that we could fix it. We spent time discussing why this could be happening and what was different about this staff that was keeping up the wall. During training week I got the chance to sit down with each of these girls and share where our hearts were at coming into the summer and what we were hoping to learn. I realized this night why there had been the separation between males and females. These girls simply desired female community. It is not often that you put a group of women in a room and find that they simply wants to enjoy authentic female fellowship and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It was upon realizing this, that I knew I was going to be in for a life changing summer.
The biggest lesson that these women taught me was how to love, how to deeply and truly love someone for exactly where they are at. There were so many times that I sat with one of my girls as they shared their heart with me and inside my heart was breaking because I wanted to take their hurt and pain away. I wanted them to see and value themselves the way that I valued and saw them. I wanted them to know and truly believe how worthy and beautiful they were and not allow the things of this world to ruin that. However what I learned through this was that I could not fix it. I couldn't make them believe the things that I believed about them and I couldn't heal wounds that weren't ready to be healed. I learned that to be a part of someone's story you need to put down all of the words you want to use to convince someone of something, and you need to come to them exactly where they are at. You simply need to be there. These girls taught me how to be there, they taught me how to love as I walked out of brokenness with them and while I was becoming a part of their stories in this way, they in turn were nuzzling so deep into my heart that they would change my story forever.
Lately I have gotten the chance to hear what God has been doing in some of their lives and my mind goes back to that first night when we all shared pieces of our story. That night where every girl was in tears as they allowed themselves to hurt for other women that they had only known for three days. They encouraged each other and found hope in the messy stuff. Hearing where they are at now, and what they have learned once again overwhelms me because it is beautiful and powerful things. The kind of lessons that are shaping them into the women that they are meant to be and the kind of lessons that will change their lives and relationships forever.
I am thankful for these women
I am thankful that they gave me the privilege of knowing their hearts
I am thankful for the way that they love me and the way they love each other
I am thankful for the way God continues to use them to bring me back to life
I am thankful for each of their unique characteristics that make them all so beloved
When summer started there was an intense separation between male and females, pretty much like a junior high dance. There wasn't much interaction between the male and female counselors and when there was it was always that awkward and obvious change in the way things were going type of interaction. There were some of us on program staff who were concerned about this and strategized ways that we could fix it. We spent time discussing why this could be happening and what was different about this staff that was keeping up the wall. During training week I got the chance to sit down with each of these girls and share where our hearts were at coming into the summer and what we were hoping to learn. I realized this night why there had been the separation between males and females. These girls simply desired female community. It is not often that you put a group of women in a room and find that they simply wants to enjoy authentic female fellowship and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It was upon realizing this, that I knew I was going to be in for a life changing summer.
The biggest lesson that these women taught me was how to love, how to deeply and truly love someone for exactly where they are at. There were so many times that I sat with one of my girls as they shared their heart with me and inside my heart was breaking because I wanted to take their hurt and pain away. I wanted them to see and value themselves the way that I valued and saw them. I wanted them to know and truly believe how worthy and beautiful they were and not allow the things of this world to ruin that. However what I learned through this was that I could not fix it. I couldn't make them believe the things that I believed about them and I couldn't heal wounds that weren't ready to be healed. I learned that to be a part of someone's story you need to put down all of the words you want to use to convince someone of something, and you need to come to them exactly where they are at. You simply need to be there. These girls taught me how to be there, they taught me how to love as I walked out of brokenness with them and while I was becoming a part of their stories in this way, they in turn were nuzzling so deep into my heart that they would change my story forever.
Lately I have gotten the chance to hear what God has been doing in some of their lives and my mind goes back to that first night when we all shared pieces of our story. That night where every girl was in tears as they allowed themselves to hurt for other women that they had only known for three days. They encouraged each other and found hope in the messy stuff. Hearing where they are at now, and what they have learned once again overwhelms me because it is beautiful and powerful things. The kind of lessons that are shaping them into the women that they are meant to be and the kind of lessons that will change their lives and relationships forever.
I am thankful for these women
I am thankful that they gave me the privilege of knowing their hearts
I am thankful for the way that they love me and the way they love each other
I am thankful for the way God continues to use them to bring me back to life
I am thankful for each of their unique characteristics that make them all so beloved
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Becoming
"Now is your time. Become, believe, try. Walk closely with people you love, and with other people who believe that God is good and life is a grand adventure. Don't spend time with people who make you feel like less than you are. Don't get stuck in the past, and don't try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven't yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life's path"
-Shauna Niequist
So often I pick up my worn copy of Bittersweet looking for inspiration and affirmation that sometimes life really sucks but when you can live in that and be able to find joy in that then you can see just how much beauty there is around you. This year my heart has continually pulled me back to this passage, to this idea of becoming. In the past I've walked through life just waiting for that moment, for things to click, for me to get it and to have it all figured out. I moved to Los Angeles after college searching for that and a year later found myself at my parents in the Bay Area even further from it than before. I spent the first half of my year unhappy and frustrated that life wasn't working out the way I'd always envisioned it, that I didn't have it together yet. I lost myself in that, I became a lesser version of the woman that I am because I was so consumed with what I didn't have.
My turning point and the slow process out of my slump was when a wise friend stopped me mid conversation and told me that I need to learn to "just be." This idea was something that was so foreign to me, my mind has always been where I wasn't and about a million steps ahead of me. It has taken a lot of discipline, and I still have days where it doesn't work out so well, but for the most part I've been able to just be. In doing that, I have learned to value the person that I am and the process of becoming. I learned things that I never expected to learn this year, I experienced heartbreak, loneliness, life giving friendships and beautiful support from my amazing family. Most importantly though, I learned and accepted that this process of becoming isn't something that is going to end as I step into my next chapter, life is a season of becoming, and when we can find beauty in that truth that is when we can learn what it truly means to live.
-Shauna Niequist
So often I pick up my worn copy of Bittersweet looking for inspiration and affirmation that sometimes life really sucks but when you can live in that and be able to find joy in that then you can see just how much beauty there is around you. This year my heart has continually pulled me back to this passage, to this idea of becoming. In the past I've walked through life just waiting for that moment, for things to click, for me to get it and to have it all figured out. I moved to Los Angeles after college searching for that and a year later found myself at my parents in the Bay Area even further from it than before. I spent the first half of my year unhappy and frustrated that life wasn't working out the way I'd always envisioned it, that I didn't have it together yet. I lost myself in that, I became a lesser version of the woman that I am because I was so consumed with what I didn't have.
My turning point and the slow process out of my slump was when a wise friend stopped me mid conversation and told me that I need to learn to "just be." This idea was something that was so foreign to me, my mind has always been where I wasn't and about a million steps ahead of me. It has taken a lot of discipline, and I still have days where it doesn't work out so well, but for the most part I've been able to just be. In doing that, I have learned to value the person that I am and the process of becoming. I learned things that I never expected to learn this year, I experienced heartbreak, loneliness, life giving friendships and beautiful support from my amazing family. Most importantly though, I learned and accepted that this process of becoming isn't something that is going to end as I step into my next chapter, life is a season of becoming, and when we can find beauty in that truth that is when we can learn what it truly means to live.
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