In honor of turning 25

"When you're twenty-five-ish, you're old enough to know what kind of music you love, regardless of what your last boyfriend or roommate always used to play. You know how to walk in heels, how to tie a necktie, how to give a good toast at a wedding, and how to make something for dinner. You don't have to think much about skin care, home ownership, or your retirement plan. Your life can look a lot of different ways when you're twenty-five; single, dating, engaged, married. You are working in dream jobs, pay-the-bill jobs, and downright horrible jobs. You are young enough to believe that anything is possible , and you are old enough to make that belief a reality." -Shauna Niequist

The first time I read Bittersweet I was twenty-two. Here I am three years later still going back to the book when I need encouragement of words to feed my soul. This chapter has always been my favorite, reading it at twenty-two I felt like she was speaking to the part of my soul that had no clue what I wanted out of life. She was affirming that feeling and making me feel like it was okay to be lost and confused and to be wandering through life just hoping that a door would open and it would all make sense. Allowing myself to feel that and sit in that season with no clue what was coming is what got me to where I am one day into my twenty fifth year. Reading this chapter again it is amazing how differently it resonates with my heart for where I am at. I feel like I have stepped away from my early twenties unsure of what I wanted and stepped into this way of thought that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to as I take those steps towards the accomplishment of my goals.

So here's to twenty-five, a new way of life and the words written by one of the most inspiring women reminding us that it's okay to wander for a while as we figure our twenties out.

"Don't be like that. Don't get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. Walk away, try something new. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don't lose yourself at happy hour, but don't lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like, Am I proud of the life I'm living? What have I tried this month? What have I learned about God this year?........Every year, you will trade a little of your perfect skin and your ability to look great without exercising for wisdom and peace and groundedness, and every year the trade will be worth it."

transitions

The last time I transitioned was a little over a year ago when I made my move into my cute little home in Pasadena to start my credential program. With the exception of a few classes left to finish my masters, I am done with my credential. I have spent the last year draining myself, losing more sleep than I typically like too and learning so much about what it means to be a teacher and in that being affirmed daily how perfect this career path is for me. I was just starting out on the path towards this profession and I had no clue what my year would hold, what I would experience, who I would meet and how I would feel when I came to the end of this journey.

This past year has been just a good year. Sure, there have been a lot of moments of loneliness, a couple let downs, and lessons that I had to learn the hard way. For the most part though, I have spent a lot of the year laughing, dancing and learning to enjoy where I am at. I got to spend the year living close to my best friends again, getting to see them whenever our crazy schedules allowed for it and having it be a thirty minute drive compared to a six hour one. I have seen friends get jobs they so deeply wanted, find love, marry, and move into new seasons. I have met people who were such a delight to meet and brought so much joy into this season. They came into my life and made the choice to walk with me through this year in both the hard times and the beautiful ones and I am so very grateful for that. I have made friends who I know will carry into this next season of life with me and that makes every hard and lonely moment worth it. Although I have not been close to them I have experienced great trips and moments with my family. I said good bye to my wonderfully crazy Grandma Fran and through that deepened my relationship with my family even more. I have learned a lot about myself and about the woman I want to become. I have become fiercely independent and slightly introverted from living alone and have found so much refreshment in alone time as I need to recharge. I have had to learn to say no to a lot of things and time manage in a way that will help me be more successful and take better care of myself moving forward into my next season.

As I move forward into that season, here I am again, at the brink of another transition. I am only somewhat sure of what is to come but there are a few things different about this transition than ones I have gone through in the past. I still eat way too much candy, make too many emotional decisions, and I am still a terrible dancer even though there are few places I love as much as the dance floor. The biggest difference though is that I am sure. I am sure of the steps I am taking, and the direction I am headed. I am sure that the next place I live will be my home for years and years and I am sure that God will provide, challenge, stretch and bless me as I walk forward into a new life. I have learned how to make a life and find happiness and I have learned from being away from them that being near my family and really doing life with them is something that I would give anything to have and am so lucky to have that opportunity in the near future. I am no longer running away from a life that has always felt like something is missing, but I am running towards a life that will give me more.

So here's to another transition. In three weeks I will be 25, smack in the middle of my twenties, and I have figured it out. Although there are still so many things to learn and so many more things I want to experience I know what my calling is and if that was what the first half of my twenties were for then I can't wait for the second half.

a new year..yet again

I love the new year, I love having a fresh start, I love being able to leave things in the past and walk into a new year without carrying those things into it. 2012 was a year of figuring things out, of taking steps towards getting my life back on track and piece by piece and month by month it was accomplished. I started 2012 as a nanny and a sales associate at anthropologie with no clue what was next or what I wanted. I'm entering into 2013 happy with who I am, confident about the direction I am headed in, and so incredibly excited to see what 2013 holds. I've never entered into a new year like this, sure I always had things to leave behind and things I was excited for, but I've never started a year so happy with my life and the people in it. 

 

Every year I make resolutions, and every year I fail to accomplish even one of them. They are always silly things like eat less candy, go the gym more, one year it was learn how to play the guitar. For those of you who know me (I dont really know who reads my blog, if anyone does at all) you know I will never decrease my candy intake, I will also probably never go to the gym more than once a week, and that year I set out to learn to play the guitar, I think I went the whole span of it without touching one. So this year I have not made resolutions but I have set goals for myself. I have taken time to think and pray about the things I want to accomplish before this time 2014 comes around. 

I want to learn to love deeper, to love in a way that changes you. A love that allows people so deeply into your heart that your story is forever changed because of who that person was. 

I want to learn to forgive in a deep and genuine way, to not hold on so tightly to hurt, because in the end dragging around all that baggage does more harm than good. 

I want to spend my year trusting God. I want to take steps forward into the darkness confidently knowing that God is in control. I want to be excited about possible adventures, relationships, moves, and jobs because I know that His plan and His timing is far greater than anything I could plan myself. 

I want to become a teacher. I want to experience having a classroom and students and the extremely overwhelming honor of getting to impact their lives as they impact mine. 

I want to make a difference, it doesn't matter how big or how small but I want to make a difference this year. To know that it was worth it, to know that I made a mark and that my life was used for something bigger than myself. 

I have a feeling this is going to be a good year. A year that things fall into place and I see the beauty and light at the end of this tunnel I've been traveling in for quite some time now. I hope my feeling is right, I hope I learn more about life this year, more about the woman that I am and the one I am continuing to grow towards. I hope I soak in everything this year has to offer and go to sleep at night knowing that I did not take one day for granted.